helen's home

Armed With Optimism

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 11:02:50 +0200

Just a quick update in response to the recent news about current lifestyles increasing the risk of cancer.

The Guardian have posted a very positive article regarding this, which I think provides an interesting counterpoint:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,2145721,00.html

Sorry, still can't seem to get the linking doodad to work.

I'm well and attempting to dodge the late-summer sun. Outdoor meetings and picnics require an explanation as to why I'm lurking in the shadows, but thankfully more people are aware of skin cancer now and attitudes are starting to change...

Keep well

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Sun loving Brits double skin cancer risk

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 14:13:47 +0200

Hi there,

Having trouble with linking items but an interesting article here:

https://www.which.co.uk/reports_and_campaigns/health_and_wellbeing/reports/cosmetics_and_beauty/Malignant_melanoma_warning_news_article_557_112071.jsp

Highlighting Brits' attitude to sun burn and skin cancer.

Seems the SunSmart message is just not getting through to people.

Summer weather is here and already I've seen plenty of red faces from sitting in the midday sun.

Mad dogs and English men...

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Keep on Keeping on...

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 18:41:45 +0100

It's been a while, so time for a quick update I think...!

I've got a check-up with my dermatologist next Tuesday morning - hopefully another milestone passed on the rocky melanoma road. I don't feel anxious at the moment; that'll probably come on the morning of the appointment.

I moved into my new home last week so that's keeping my mind busy, which is a blessing.

Just checked in to MPIP to see how everyone's doing and read the incredibly sad news that fellow Melanoma Planet contributer Heather has not bounced back after her turn for the worse. My thoughts are with her husband and family now; what heartbreaking news.

Spring seems to be a long time coming still, it's still so cold out at the moment. But I'm in no rush for summer to get here. I think my days of going on beach holidays are over. I'm really nervous about hot weather, but hopefully it'll get easier over time.

Good health to everyone, and I hope evreyone is going to be SunSmart this year.

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Now for the Science Bit...

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 20:27:39 +0100

An interesting section on the Beeb about "The Science of Sunshine" here:

Sunshine

Contains a table that outlines the pro's and cons of sun exposure.

I've been having dreams where I look around and realise suddenly that I'm sitting on a beach and the sun is beating down on me. I feel an overwhelming sense of panic and then wake up immediately, heart pounding. I'm sure this anxiety will pass, but this summer will be a big test...

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Lost in the cancer maze...

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 14:14:53 +0100

A quick note to recommend this interesting article from The Times online, written by Robert Sandall:

Lost in the Cancer Maze

It discusses the relationship between nutrition and cancer. A very even-handed article by a writer and cancer patient who gives equal voice to all sides.

After recently falling off my nutritional high horse, I can report that I feel pretty rubbish. I blame Christmas, and a lack of will power. My completely unscientific conclusion is that I better hurry on back to the daily eating plan. I've gone from feeling envigorated to deflated, and a cold sore on the corner of my mouth clinches the deal.

Goodbye cheese and crackers, hello houmous and carrots.

Keep well, Hx

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Sunbed Bill - Action

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 16:33:24 +0100

Happy New Year to everyone first of all - here's to making 2007 a healthy and happy one!

I've just read Lee's update on Ken Macintosh's bill calling for a ban on unsupervised tanning booths and on children using sunbeds in the UK. I never realised they were actually allowed to - I naively assumed that there was an age limit on using sunbeds?

As one of my New Year resolutions I'm going to make it my mission to help to raise awareness of Melanoma. I go to a gym in central London (actually across the road from the Houses of Parliament - nice position eh!), and I'm going to be dropping one of Cancer Research's simple and informative leaflets into the sunbed room for users to read:

Cancer Awareness Leaflets

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Twas the Night Before the Night Before Christmas...

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 21:43:56 +0100

I'm getting my stuff together for a few days at home with the family for Christmas and I'm so relieved to be going home with a good prognosis from the doctors.

I had my CT last Friday, which I found a little unpleasant, but the good news is that the Dr told me she couldn't see any nasties on my xrays. I also had a call from my mum to say that her appointment at the hospital had gone well and the lump she'd had on her throat was just that: a lump. Or a cyst to be exact - i.e. nothing to be too concerned about. What a huge relief.

It seems like a bit of respite from the last few months' stress. Although auntie Eileen is going in for chemo and radio therapy in the new year for her bowel cancer. I hope it goes as well as possible for her...

I'm really going to miss Dan (and Tilly!) over the next few days, but thankfully I'll be pretty busy, so there won't be too much time for it to drag. Plus it'll be great to see the family again. Diarmaid loves Christmas and it's always such a pleasure to see him with his presents.

I keep checking back on MPIP (the melanoma patients info page) and seeing the usual mix of good and bad news. It's so heartbreaking to see people being taken before their time as a result of skin cancer. It seems so unjust for a parent to have to post about their childs' death - I sincerely hope for a day when we're rid of melanoma.

Merry Christmas to everyone - here's to a peaceful and healthy new year...

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A Stitch in Time...

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 22:30:32 +0100

A quick melanoma status update before I rustle up some dinner... I've been trying to get some time to write for days now but haven't managed to get online.

I had my wide exision stitches out last Thursday and apparently I'm healing well. The incision was quite conservative so it looks pretty good. The doctor warned me to keep an eye out for keloids (?) - the Greek for "crab" he helpfully explained. Apparently unsightly scar tissue was likened by them to a crab's claw. What a bizarre image. My doctor is a little eccentric but really great. Anyway, I see the scar as a battle mark that I'm quite proud of, so as long as I don't end up with something that resembles a crustacean's mitt, I'll be happy.

Next stage is the results of blood tests, and I also have a CT booked for two weeks' time. Apparently its nil by mouth on the day and I'll need to take a pill to "dye" the parts they're scanning. I was also told by the lady on the phone, who seemed to be dividing her time between me and an unruly child in the background, that I'd be given an injection that would make me feel like I needed to "pee". Brilliant. As long as it's just a feeling eh...

On the nutrition front, I'm feeling great after a few really rubbish days of missing wheat-based food tremendously. I have to admit that the chocolate so far hasn't been obliterated from my diet, but it's the next thing to go... I've already denied myself chips, pizza, take away curry, and countless other goodies. Choccie is the last bastion. It'll be a sad day if i have to say goodbye to something that's given me so much pleasure over the years. Maybe just a chunk a day will be OK...

More soon... good to read other contributors' entries - hope everyone's doing ok x

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Food for Thought...

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 20:56:31 +0100

I had an appointment with a nutritionist last night. Not something I'd ever thought I'd hear myself say! While I agree that eating healthily is important, I've always been a bit cynical about the somewhat 'sexed-up' claims of some healthy eating plans.

Headlines that scream "this diet cured my cancer" really get my back up because, although I'm happy for the person who benefitted from the plan, I wonder how many people tried it and didn't get the results they'd hoped for...

I feel a palpable shift in attitude these days towards self-medicating, and the mindset that we are somehow cabable of warding off life-threatening illnesses, if we'd only eat the right stuff.

With respect, b*££*($! There are so many factors that conspire to bring on conditions, diseases and illness. It's not realistic to think that we can be well from diet alone...

That said, I put my reservations aside because, as I say, I do think what we eat is obviously important. It's a no-brainer. So... the consultation went well. I was given a day-to-day plan of things I can and can't eat (no chocolate, no wheat - what the...?!) and bundled off with an armful of supplements to give my flagging system the boost it needs.

I'm following a low GI plan, with extra-strength liquid vits thrown in to soup up my energy levels. A blood test indicated that this was best for my type, also taking into account other minor ails such as PCOS, IBS and high cholesterol - all of which are a nuisance but within my power to manage, apparently.

So if nothing else, this plan should mop up the more niggly worries, leaving me better able to deal with the ongoing malignant melanoma schtuff.

I'll keep monitoring how I feel over the next few weeks and see if, while living the nutritional dream, I actually notice any change. It would be good to feel better because I feel a bit pants at the moment. I saw an old aquaintence on the bus tonight and she looked fabulous. i know it's a trivial thing, but I felt so self-conscious about how scruffy and haggared I looked, I avoided her. Duh!

Bring on the radiant, carrot-munching new me!

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Back... to the Future

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 18:46:29 +0100

Just a quick update today – finally back online after nearly a week without access. Amazing how dependent you become, eh!

I had the wide exision last Wednesday – the boyfriend was away working in sunny California (armed with liberal quantities of sun block) – so my friend Marnie took up the reins of chief nerve-calmer.

The procedure went fine although, as ever, I went as shaky as a leaf at the sight of the equipment trolley rolling towards me. A lovely nurse chatted to me throughout the op to stop me leaping up and running out the room, half-stitched.

Predictably the first few days have been uncomfortable – not sleeping on my back is a pain in the *&£%£! But I’m back at work this week and I’ll be getting the stitches out in a couple of weeks.

Next step is the visual check of my entire body for more nasties, blood tests and CT – feels like one last hurdle to go now…

Yesterday, a big envelope arrived containing a whole load of info about the flat my boyfriend and I had put an offer in on. It’d all been swept under the carpet a bit since the melanoma diagnosis. A contract has come through and it looks like it might just go ahead!

It would be wonderful to move in to a new home at the start of 2007.

Bring on the New Year, and some good news for anyone effected by Mel.

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Life is a rollercoaster...

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 11:28:51 +0100

Never thought I’d hear myself quoting the venerable Ronan Keeting, but there you go. My mind’s obviously not functioning well this morning...

Things aren’t quite as they should be. When I had my consultation on Thursday, the results and prognosis were undeniably good. I was delighted. I called concerned family and friends and told them so.

I went with my ridiculously relieved boyfriend to the pub for a slap-up lunch to celebrate what could’ve been infinitely worse news. I expected to be riding a wave of relief and positivity from then-on – a new-found love of life.

But once I got home, I felt completely deflated. I went for a nap and woke up feeling really spaced out and disconnected. Work the next day was torture; I kept expecting to burst into tears at any moment. No one spoke to me much; they seemed to scent my unhappiness and run a mile...

This morning, everything’s OK again. I don’t have that barely bearable sadness hanging over me.

I suppose the reason is because melanoma is something that can return at any time. It feels more like a stay of execution than a total reprieve. Not a good way to look at it, I know. Statistically I’m in a good place – 85-95% chance of survival 10years+ - and believe me, that feels great. But knowing I’ll need to be vigilant for this destructive disease for the rest of my life has taken the edge off my relief, I think.

I feel so ungrateful too, to be moping when there are so many people engaged in horrendous battles with skin cancer right now, and are showing more energy and positivity than I could ever muster.

It’s a relief to say I’m scared here – people don’t really understand why I’m still worried... Now it’s been “cut out”.

I think the “new-found love of life” thing didn’t really materialise in a way that it should’ve either because I’ve always been pretty aware of my own mortality. From nearly drowning aged 5 to being run over aged about 10, being in a coach crash with my mum and then a car crash later on... Ever seen Final Destination?! I should be paranoid but I know life’s just a roll of a dice. It doesn’t stop me being de-motivated and selfish at times though.

I’m definitely going to make some changes, and I think my personality has already shifted a little... I’ve just got to accept that there’ll be more ups and downs ahead and just try to hang on in there.

I’m so glad there are people like Lee raising awareness so others don’t have to go through this...

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The Results Are In...

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 23:55:09 +0100

First off, a big hello to all my fellow planet melanoma contributors and readers, and thank you to Lee for including me :-) It’s great to know there are other people out there who are willing to share their experiences of skin cancer.

Today was the big day – I got my biopsy results. Apparently, considering how long I’ve had this thing, they still managed to catch it early. The next step is a wide local exision to remove surrounding tissue and get those all-important clear margins.

It was a huge relief to hear that the lesion hadn’t gone too deep and that the prognosis is good but, of course, there are still some tests to get through before I’m out of the woods.

I was a complete wimp about the biopsy, so I’m dreading the exision. In an attempt to reassure me, my specialist - who’s a lovely, kindly man - said: “Don’t worry my dear, I’m very conservative with my cuts. The area removed will be less Porterhouse steak, more lamb chop!”

So, in two weeks’ time my nicely healed back will be sliced and diced again – but for all the best reasons. Anything that gets rid of the melanoma is worth gritting your teeth for. Blimey, if I have to have anything radical done, I’ll be useless – absolutely no stiff upper lip.

So, another few weeks of fun at the hospital ahead but, with any luck, I’ll be celebrating a cancer-free Christmas.

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Trick or Treat

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 19:00:40 +0100

It's my favourite non-Christmas-related festival of the year tomorrow: Halloween.

I've always been mad on celebrating it and love the fact that it kicks off a busy and fun time of year. Halloween, Bonfire Night, my birthday (!), Christmas, New Year... The next two months involve trying to cram in loads of get-togethers, combined with gift-giving, copious amounts of food and drink, and good will all-round.

I always start thinking about Halloween about a month beforehand, and plan what I'm going to wear if I'm heading out to a party. This year though, it's kind-of fallen a bit flat. I haven't booked a table at a suitably spooky venue, or organised a trip to the cinema to see something scary...

I did carve a pumpkin on Saturday - I've switched from the traditional Lancashire swede because pumpkins are infinitely easier to gouge at - so we've got the demonic grinning vegetable side of things covered. Actually, is pumpkin a fruit, what with all the pips?

Important questions.

Anyway, my mind is so preoccupied - I guess is the upshot - that even my favourite time of year has lost its sheen.

My internet research on melanoma is keeping me occupied. It's also scaring the bejesus out of me. Which is appropriate given the time of year.

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Fall into Autumn...

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 14:01:37 +0100

The clocks went back this morning, so I suddenly feel the luxurience of extra time. Another hour in bed, another hour in front of the telly, another hour not getting up and dressed... Having a bit more time that you need - surplus time - feels like such a treat. Like once a year we get to rewind a bit and relax, not run to catch up withourselves.

I've always preferred the clocks going back, not forwards. I'm a winter person - born in November so perhaps that has something to do with it. I never really understood the clamour for summer. The ache in people; willing rain, snow and ice to dissipate and warmer weather to appear.

I remember asking my mum once, when I was little, why a holiday advert celebrated "uninterrupted blue skies?" I couldn't understand the benefit of a boring, plain old blue sky when one strewn with fluffy clouds seemed so much more pleasing.

Being teased for my pale complection became something I resented but I didnt make huge attempts to change at first. I was cautious with the sun after a couple of nasty buring incidents in my youngest years, involving liberal doses of calomine lotion afterwards.

Comments at school, uni, work... People liked to feel there was someone paler than them, and that someone was always me. I guess going on sunbeds one summer and a holiday in which I burnt myself pretty badly changed my attitude. I could go brown if I wanted to - if I subjected my alabaster flesh to liberal quantities of UV in high concentration.

Fake tan always looked just that on me; fake. Streaky, gravy-brown swathes shaming me into covering up even further during hot months. I could never get it to look 'natural'. Tanning seemed the only option. Yet still i tried to be cautious at all times, and never let myself O.D.

But now I'm looking at avoiding the sun altogether, and feeling a real sense of queasiness at the thought of sunbathing.

I'm waiting on the results of my biopsy to determine how 'deep' this melanoma goes. Will it be 'in situ'? Will it be an early stage? Will I have got lucky? Or will it be something more sinister? I won't know until 9th November so, till then, I can only hope and pray it's gone. And my life can go on.

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Welcome to my world...

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 19:18:54 +0200

OK, I have first post nerves...

What do I start off with? An introduction to my life? A joke? A quote from someone famous? An emotional out-pouring?

This feels weird.

I suppose I need to get the hang of putting my thoughts out there, for the whole world to ignore.

As an underachieving, under-ambitious writer I guess I'm used to that. Particularly as I don't actually write. I sub-edit other people's work. Sometimes it's really badly written and crummy, but at least they wrote it. I never did pluck up the courage to get that novel written... not even a short story or vignette.

I've developed a real loathing for people who are massively productive and scuttle off to their MySpace accounts to write reems about their tube journey/death of cat/murderous thoughts. Obviously I'm filled with pure, unadulterated jealousy.

But there's also that impotent arrogance, niggling away every time I slice extraneous words from flabby workaday copy: "I could do better than this!"

Jesus. If I could do better, why am I working as a TV Listings Editor? Why am I copying and pasting the programme description for One Tree Hill into a copy field, while numbly inserting indignant British 'u's into America's colorful lexicon? A monkey with 2 weeks' training would be defter and more engaged in the task at hand than me.

So, anyway, enough about how cheery and successful I am.

I'm not here to bleed my heart out about how, in spite of being hugely driven, busy, happy and downright nice, I often feel the need to put my thoughts into words. Publicly.

Nope, I am here drivelling on because I have just been told I have malignant melanoma.

News as traumatic as it can possibly get.

And I reckon having a space to moan into might give my family and friends a break and allow me to say the things that are probably too dark, self-indulgent or silly to say to anyone's face.

Happy reading.

Helen x

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